Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
