Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
