I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
