He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
