you traded sex for a burrito?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
