I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
