Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wish I only lived at night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
