Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
