yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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