smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
smell my finger.
two words: eviction party
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
