apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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