Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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