So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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