I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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