i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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