what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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