I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize