I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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