Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
