Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
