Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
