OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
