my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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