no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
