just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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