I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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