Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
