I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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