You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
