apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
