Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
as a side note pls kill me
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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