I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This is the high leading the old right now
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
