She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
