Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
