my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize