dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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