Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
