There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
