i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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