He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
