I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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