I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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