Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
