Umm I'm too high to move.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
