True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
