home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
