Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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