If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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