god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
They took my balls.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
