Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
