i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
