3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
