sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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