I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize