Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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