Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
