All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
There are leaves in my underwear?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
