Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
