Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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