You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
