my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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