He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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