this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
