I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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