The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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