a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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