Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize