I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
