I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
