I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
