Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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