So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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